Time and Time Again:

A doctor, examining a sailor, asked, "When was the
last time you had relations with a woman.
The sailor replied, "About 2000".

The doctor was more than a little surprised and
said, "That was a long time ago!"

Looking at his watch, the sailor said,
"Yeah doc and it's already 1300 hours the day after".

CARTOON OF THE WEEK:   The best of the nautical cartoons from Cartoon Stock will
be shown here and changed each week. Why? Just for fun and to brighten your day

                            cartoon 001


Oops!! Did I forget something??                   

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch..

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.  (From Len, Tampa, FL .....thanks Len....Bob)


DID YOU KNOW THIS ? It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a 'Monkey'. But if this plate were made of iron the iron balls would rust to it. The rusting problem was fixed by making them of brass - hence, 'Brass Monkeys'.

Few landlubbers realise that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. But, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey and roll around the deck. 

Thus, it was quite literally, "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

And all this time, you thought that was just a vulgar expression, didn't you?

*** Submitted by Henry Qld. Australia.    (Good one ...thanks Henry....Bob)


A Letter to 'Dear Dr. Phil' ...subject: Fishing:

"Dear Dr. Phil,

When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- trout fishing.   I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.

Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves trout fishing as much as I do.

We quickly became fishing buddies.

As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam & I had the best fishing trip ever.  Not only did I catch the best trout you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother!

So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice trout that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested.

Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat immediately!!!  I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.

What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists? 

Thanks.     (P.S. I have enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two trout we caught.
As you can see...their a couple of beauties)".

"Dear Fisherman,

Get rid of that narrow minded wife.
That's a nice pair of trout!
Sincerely.........Dr. Phil "







(Thanks to Kelvin, Gold Coast, Australia.
I agree.... they're two lovely trout - Bob).